Apocalyptic Porno Movie

(Please only read once.)

Man lying in bed (supervillain)

Super-heroine arrives.

Super-heroine:  I am here to kill you.

Supervillain:  Take off your clothes.

WHY?

-Because you have a stain on your clothes.

(Camera zooms to miniscule stain the size of one molecule, just below upper left shoulder.)

Okay! (Rips all her clothes off in one fell motion.)

Supervillain:  Come here.

Super-heroine:  WHY?

-Because you’re cold, and I need to warm you up.

Okay!

(She gets in bed other side from him.)

Super-villain:  Come closer.

Super-heroine:  WHY?

-I need to warm you up.

OKAY!  … That’s better.

-You’ll only feel a poke.

UUUU!  Ahhh,,,

THE END.

 

And in a flash the man-child who rules the earth with a rod of iron is borne, defeats the devil, and saves the world, while his super-mommy and super-villain daddy sleep soundly in bed, oblivious to the screams and shouts of the evil who die smitten by his power.  His all-powerful power.

 

And his name…And his name…And his name…oops, I’m not supposed to say.  I think I said too much already.  But there are those who say he looks a little bit like Jesus.  And not at all like his super-villain Daddy.

 

And the sequel…

Super-villain daddy with all his little minions.   In salute of Hitler, they all praise their master.  Swoops in man-child son and obliterates them.

WHAT? Why did you destroy my minions?!  My poor little poopsies!

-Because they were evil, Daddy!

-Have a nice day!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, WOMAN!  Oh, a fool I have been made!  Why did I ever get involved with this evil woman?  Would to god I had died before I was borne!

God, why did you chisel my body so handsome to seduce the women so easily!  You fiend, che!

And super-villain daddy went to the jungle to be comforted in the wildness of all the wild animals of earth.  His new minions, after he had lost the first.

But, instead of being evil , the animals became good, productive citizens of society.  And there was peace in all the land.  Except for super-villain who needed a new project–Skydiving with no parachute.

But super-heroine mommy would not allow, so he sulked forever.

And she sang him lullabies to put him to sleep.

RIP!

And the world lived happily ever after without him.  The most heinous super-villian of all time.  And the world remembered him forever.  And they built statues of him, just to remember how glad they were to have him gone.  He was known to be so evil that with a simple smirk upon his lips would convince the most sane of all men to suicide.

 

Which leads to chapter two.

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